He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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