he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
