Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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