soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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