My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
