pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
