I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
