Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
