you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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