youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
where are you?
Hypothermia
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
