I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
