After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
