so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
