one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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