I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
