meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
