he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
