I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
