She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
