He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
