Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
