my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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