I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
