I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
