Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
