Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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