everyone is single if you try hard enough
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
