im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
