I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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