i jhust puked up my retainher.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
