i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
