My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
