Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
