our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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