he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
