thus making me awesome and them whores
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
