are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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