He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
