hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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