Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
