i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
