i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
