I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
