idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
