She is in my trunk
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
