chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
