in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
