as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
