Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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