MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
